oh man

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i’m not sure if i just ruined a really great thing. or cut myself off from something that was eating at my conciense. either way. i loose. i’m holding on to two things at the same time. eventually i think i will fall. and that eventually was probably  last night. it’s over but i want positive clarity. even from the very beginnings of all this i had this little feeling this was all going to turn out badly. this is based solely on the fact that i’m horible at ending, horrible at closure, basically all in all horrible. the whole ordeal makes my stomach hurt. perhaps i will practice erasing memories from my brain one at a time until i am a blank slate. i would prefer the mind of a child but instead i’m stuck with a mind full of conflicting ideas. i’ll miss it. i really am sorry. but something’s telling me a should just take a walk, forget, and move on. that would have been very good advice from the beginning

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